So, I didn’t pass the probation.
This is quite.. (fyi I need 30 minutes break before continue the sentence, now I’m ready) painful..yes I finally said that I’m losing battle in these cut and uncut thing during pandemic in this capital city. I’m finish. For those who inspired by my previous post, I’m sorry..turns out I’m nothing and not that good.
Why I didn’t pass the probation? the answer is because my health, or I’m just stupid, or probably both. I push my self too hard to the new culture. I have culture shock and my body also shock. Been sick 3 times during 3 months, I felt nothing wrong. Keep denying to everyone “I’m okay.” And just keep working. Until my team leader said “you didn’t belong here, you can’t be a strategist. I’ve been there before, when my body give me a sign and I kept rejecting.”
Which is true. My leader is right. All these times I ignore the sign from my body, I kept sick. I have to say thank you to my latest office for saving me from my own destroying system by ended my contract. What hurting the most is, I start loving the job when my body start to reject.
So, i think i need a break, to enjoy my failure :))) to breathe…
“If you push the door so many times and it’s not open, maybe because the sign said pull.”
I’m going back to Malang soon after my cousin’s wedding. Don’t know what will happen next, literally have no clue, but one thing that I know.. I keep moving, doing anything the best i can do. Anything also can break me down hundred times but I still praise my God. Because He makes all things beautiful. Even in this pain and uncertainty, all I know is when I’m with Him, it’s gonna be just fine.
I’m just gonna be fine.
Wish you were fine too.
Peace ♡
